Ancestral Healing: How Psilocybin Can Help Heal Deep Family Bonds
I asked my guide again, “Do you see those beautiful blue jays right outside the window? There are two of them, right next to each other. Wow, that’s incredible.”
My guide paused before answering. “Maybe?”
The blue jay was actually my father, who had passed a year earlier, sitting in the tree with my mother. He guided me to the nighttime sky, filled with fireflies everywhere — a fond childhood memory of summer, playing outdoors back east, where fireflies would light up the night sky.
I knew these were family members flying under a bright night sky as fireflies.
I asked my father, “But then what is Mom?”
He said, “She is also a firefly, Monica.”
My mom wanted to be a firefly, and I needed to let her be one. I needed to release the old baggage and old ways of seeing her, and allow her to join the firefly tribe.
And thus began my journey of deep family and ancestral healing.
I experienced death, shivering for what seemed like hours, but later understanding my mother’s fears of death and the deep loneliness of being without her life partner. And then I was reborn, “kissing the sky” in deep gratitude for this wonderful, sacred life.
I had a profound spiritual experience of my own divinity, and of the importance of being of service and healing on this planet. I had the gift of a life review — all the love I had shared, the love I had received, and the sacredness of this big, beautiful life and our interconnectedness with the planet.
It was healing, profound, and humbling.
Mother Teresa’s poem “Do It Anyway” came to me:
“People are often unreasonable, irrational and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.... In the final analysis, it is between you and God, it was never between you and them anyway. ”
This experience was so profound it brought me to my knees. I prayed, despite considering myself spiritual but not religious. I played “The Passenger” by Iggy Pop. I wept, I prayed, and I wept tears of gratitude..
Does psilocybin have the power to help heal broken, disconnected family bonds?
In my personal and professional experience, a resounding yes.
My psychedelic journeys over the past two years have been variations of family work, each one bringing forward different iterations of common family themes. The gift of psilocybin has helped me understand my role in my family and challenge my beliefs about how I see myself and other family members.
I laugh to myself thinking, “Well, I am on sequel number seven, iteration twenty-two,” because each time I have a psychedelic journey, some variation of my family ties seems to pop up.
To say that I have complicated family relationships and strong ties that bind, coming from a big Italian family with a large extended family, is an understatement.
Yes, we all have complicated situations that traditional therapy does not always fully untangle or provide relief from. There is a deeper knowingness that I consistently find psilocybin journeys can offer — that we are here for more than this, that there is a higher order, and that there is beautiful poetry inside our relationships.
Perhaps we are put on this planet to deeply see one another. In the words of Ram Dass, a quote that also came up in my journey, “We are all just walking each other home.”
“We’ll be the passenger…. He sees the stars come out tonight, and everything was made for you and me, all if it was made for you and me””
I have also had the deep honor of co-facilitating intergenerational journeys between four generations — a grandmother, mother, and her two grandchildren — featured on Lisa Ling’s show on the psychedelic renaissance. Professionally, I have seen how even a subtle shift can help family members see each other differently, sometimes with fresh eyes.
These fresh eyes allow them to see one another differently, or perhaps remember each other as they once were, or as they are still longing to be seen — before life, trauma, and deep disconnection from themselves got in the way.
There is also an openness and vulnerability that comes with preparing for and sharing a journey with another family member. There is often a mutual desire to heal the relationship, and the “actual journey” they undertake together is quite literally a journey — with peaks and valleys, sorrow and joy, and all the emotions in between.
The act of journeying with a loved one, even when there has been disconnection, can be a powerful way to break through and dissolve some of the barriers that separate us.
Now, it is important to add that it is not as simple as embarking on a psychedelic journey with a family member. This work involves deep self-reflection, preparation, openness, and a willingness to perhaps see ourselves in not the best light. We may have to see our flaws.
As I always tell clients, it is not just rainbows and unicorns. You need to do the work. You need to be willing to make changes and integrate that new version of yourself, and perhaps that new version of the family unit, into your life.
This is where a trained and deeply experienced guide, especially one with a mental health background, can support the integration of the journey into real life.
As I learned in this journey, I was brought to my knees. I was humbled and honored to understand that I could help my mother not walk alone into her next transition. I could help shine light on the darkness she felt. And in my journey, I wrapped my arms around her.
I needed to “do better.” I needed to show up.
Humbling. Powerful. Transformative.
And the work is still happening in the days and weeks that follow, as I show up differently and remember the words of Mother Teresa.
We all must tend to our souls. If we are willing to be vulnerable and see the scars — both the ones we have received and the ones we may have unwittingly caused — we may be given the keys to the universe.
In the words of the mushroom, it was time to let those wounds go and show up differently: in joy, in service, and in gratitude.
I am deeply grateful to experience the healing power of psychedelics, and deeply honored to be a psychedelic facilitator who guides others through these profound journeys.
“And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.””
